You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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