using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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