My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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