you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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