At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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