Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
