the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
