And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
