I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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