he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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