I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
