i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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