but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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