I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
vagina is talking i cant
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
