she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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