Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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