Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
