I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
