Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
