i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
