I think I am morally bankrupt
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
