hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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