How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
