I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
