So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
