He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
