and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
