I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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