Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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