so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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