Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
