WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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