I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
