tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
