My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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