There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
