Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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