ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
