you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
