Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
