i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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