whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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