Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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