I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Never underestimate the power of titties
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
