yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
