jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
