ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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