How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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