Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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