Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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