question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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