Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
