He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
