there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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