After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
