The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
