he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
