so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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