He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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