I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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