so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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