then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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