like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
