You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
