he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
did you just send me my own nude
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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