hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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