His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
