What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
