I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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