I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
