You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
