Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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