I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We left the knife in your bed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
