If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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