what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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