Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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