the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
