Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
