yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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