Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
