no, he came in my armpit
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
